I know this is a little late and I bet the other replies are probably better than mine however I would like to take the time to write you a short message.

First I would like to say I am horribly sorry that you feel like you are a nobody and you probably feel like nothing can make you feel any better. I've been at various highs and lows but mostly lows and what I've learned is that you can't keep it all in or else it will burst out in anger, panic, anxiety, or large scale depression and you might end up doing various things that you don't want to do. So make sure you find people that you can trust and express your feelings to them. If you ever need someone and no one else is around you are more than welcome to message me if you need help.

And lastly therapy might be a good option for you. It helped me in the past and is currently helping me get through each day. And as for finding a therapist you could always try finding one at your school if you are still in school. I noticed how you said your parents might not let you, however there are many schools that I know of that have access to therapy that you might be able to you to get help. I would check in at your school office if you are still in school. If you aren't in currently enrolled in a school than I believe it would be best to either go yourself and check out a center nearby if you can drive or go to your parents and have a talk with them about what is going on.

Sorry if my message didn't help but I would be most pleased if you could take something out of it.

Take care!
MM20