Thanks for the reply, Wants2Fly..

After a little thought, I'm not sure what I expect to gain from posting on here. Do I just want to rant and share my boredom / anger / depression with anyone willing to listen? How lucky for them!

I look at my depression and I recognize it for what it is, but with any intellectual (pseudo- or otherwise) observations, I come to the conclusion that depression and hopelessness are the only rational responses for the world as it is.

Then I try to convince myself that this is simply the depression talking but I'm not so sure. Even when I'm feeling okay and even good, I still believe life is essentially meaningless and no amount of mood altering substance or therapy is going to change that fact.

I have thought of the 'finding a new interest' angle, but what do you do when absolutely nothing interests you? It's a catch-22.

My sister died almost two years ago and that was (and still is) a tough thing to deal with, but I believe I have dealt with the grief for the most part. Near the 1 year anniversary of her death, I fell into a deep depression, went to the therapist, and upped my meds, which seemed to pull me out of the deep.

But, the meaningless of life still remains -- I've just worked out ways of coping with it. Not 'fixing' it, just living with it.

"Woe is me... I am woe..." kind of a thing I say to myself to tell myself to shut up and quit complaining. I could be in a myriad of worse situations. From most outside appearances, I'm doing great; a job / salary many people would love to have, good friends (who even put up with my bouts of reclusiveness), a supportive (for the most part), loving family, interesting hobbies (when I actually partake), fun travels, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

Yet, I find myself becoming more and more of a recluse. Leaving the house only to go to work and to do the most basic necessary things. I can think of nothing interesting to do to cause me to leave the house. Not returning phone calls of friends... what's the point? I've got nothing interesting to talk about and whatever they have to talk about won't interest me... Drinking probably too much just because it makes me feel slightly differently... Not even planning any upcoming trips...

I got a puppy 4 months ago to give me another reason to get out of the house, but I've managed to minimize that benefit as much as possible. (not to the point of neglect, mind you). She's a great dog and does stir up feelings in me of love, but it's a dog, dammit, not the love of my life!

So, I'm rambling, making no sense. But that's all I know to do right now. Thanks for listening!