I went to therapy for a number of years, working on healing from.. I'm not even sure what to call it. I'd just always felt like I was 'outside' of my body..

I once came across an article that described my experience perfectly - it explained that when kids are faced with overwhelming situations at a young age that they can't understand or handle, a split personality can develop.. And they can identify with one 'part' of themselves more than the others. For instance, they can identify with their emotional side while showing shocking disregard for their physical body.

This has been me, completely. I think it's because my emotional side was under threat as my parents totally didn't want to know 'her', so I had to put all of my focus on this part and try to keep it safe.. While they did look after me physically.

I also think that I felt the pain from their abandonment physically as well, in my body, and it was just completely too much.. I remember feeling like my whole body was on fire

So, anyway, I feel the time has come for me to accept my body, completely. I have to own it.. It's as much a part of me as anything else!

And I need to accept it despite all the damage I've inflicted on it all these years.. Or precisely because of that. My body needs me. Even though it won't be attractive to many others anymore, I need to take care of it till the day I die! This is what I'm going to do

Sorry for the messy post, just needed to get this out to make sense of it.. Thanks for reading