Hi guys, i'm new here, 19 yrs old and really desperate. Since last thursday i've been having what I think are Pocd and Harm ocd intrusive thoughts about my possibly dearest relative.

Now some background, my life is a mess right now. All my friends moved on with their lives, I've been alone for the past four years and my self-steem is the worst sometimes.

Well, I kind of always had intrusive thoughts but never really gave them any second thought because I love my family too deeply to ever treat those thoughts as anything else than bs.

A week ago, some guys tried to break into my house and I had a panic attack on top of my very elevated anxiety. The next day I was in my home alone with my loved one and I had a horroble, horrible intrusive thought about doing something too disgusting to write down. I freaked out and I had a maybe my worst panic attack to date. I started lingering and trying to reassure myself I would NEVER do that under any circumstance, but they kept coming. Anxiety increased a lot but decreased at night.

I googled up what was happening to me and ocd came out.

Now, relevant things to my case:

I've had relationship ocd in the past, as well as similar obsessions with fictional things. I never knew they were ocd until I looked up the symptoms and was quite interested in the fact that I almost always get over them on my own, although i doubt it was for the better. This is too much worse.

I've had 2 pocd 'intrusive thougts' in what I would only call nightmares. It was before all this, earlier this year, and I popped out of them like you would from a nightmare and felt really sick about them.

Never felt attracted to children in any way, but I fear it may be something subconscious? (

Always attracted to girls + o - my age with a fixation for slightly older women.

I'm left handed, when I read pedophiles are prone to be left handed it triggered me.

Well, I'll expand if necessary. Guys this is horrible and I'm so scared.