I don't have Avoidant PD but I do, or certainly have, had traits of a related one (OCPD). "Worked" all my adult life trying be "well" or my "real self", etc. I feel like a failure, too. I guess I've just been the person I have always been but it seems so disappointing. I'm in my late 60's, too.

One thing I might say about self-esteem -- I lacked a sense of real identity, a sense of myself, and I've gotten a better sense of that after 6 years of trauma therapy recently. It's hard to describe -- at first it felt like a clear membrane, like a bubble, forming, then more recently like skin with some toughness to it. I believe that many of us with PD's may lack this basic true "ego" or psychological skin and therapists that I've seen didn't really know how to help me with that or even understand that it was missing.

Self-esteem, without that real "skin" or membrane, has to be based on something incomplete or false. It won't be real. Therapists that I've seen haven't really understood that or, like I said, how to help.

Yeah, I do feel like you, too. I thought I might do all kinds of things with my life, but the PD and mental illness behind it really limited me. Thing is, I think PD's make it hard for us to see and understand that sometimes, which then just adds to the misery, maybe.

Maybe someday there will be some better understanding and help.

Wishing you the best!