A therapist could really help you to sort out your feelings and understand them... and then you could start perhaps living your life out of the "fantasy land" that you describe..

The therapist could help you sort out what is "real"... and help you to understand the profound impact that your actions are having on your life... and the people that surround you..

In all... wouldn't that make life better for everyone.. you.. your girlfriend... and anyone else that might be hurt by your actions.. including yourself..

If you really want to make this "better" .... "fixed"... then seek out some help...that would be a very positive move for you..