Loving your dog is different than loving your girlfriend (at least I hope!!!). When you love someone in a romantic and sexual way there should be a measure of attraction.. doesn't mean you think they are super-model gorgeous, but if you aren't attracted to them - you don't find them attractive - the kind of love you feel may not be what you think it is.

Anyway, go get some help... I don't think you are an evil person by any means and I would never tell you to "shoot yourself". The thing is, you are hurting yourself and everyone around you and the responsible thing is to go seek help. You may not realize it, but if this behavior gets worse you may do something even worse than what you are doing now and REALLY hurt someone.