Thank you. You cut through all the BS like a hot knife thru butter...and got to the very uncomfortable heart of the matter.
I thought about ur reply all day...thought about the incident between my husband and I several dozen times. Tried to consider it from all angles...then reread ur post and realized one incident doesn't matter.
What are we doing to reconsile our differences?? The answer is nothing I guess. We are at an impasse. And quite frankly...I'm done.
I held out a tiny hope that I could save our marriage. I've been carrying the dam thing myself for 20 years. So I clearly explained his behaviour that makes me unhappy. Things I refuse to tolerate any longer. The things.that he needs to start doing. And told him that these are things that NEED to happen for us to stay married.
Instead of him working to make an effort this is what I got.
1. First he tried to guilt and bully me into being more affectionate towards him. So I reiterated what I needed.
2. He then moped and pouted. Explained how sad he is that we are so diconected. So...I told him what I needed.
3. He then asked me if I was having an affair. (I never have) So...I explained that he still hasn't tried changing his behaviour and explained what I needed.
4. Now we are back to anger. He's now angry at me and saying hes tried everything and can't make me happy.
And I have explained that he's tried manipulating my feelings the last 6 months....no actually changing his behavior.
So what have I done to help our marriage??? Nothing. I've been fixing our marriage, fixing his problems for 20 years. I'm tired. If he isn't going to listen. Or try. Then maybe it isn't worth saving. It's never been a really great marriage. And if I'm being really really honest. I've only stayed the last 5 years for my kids.
So ur right...in the grand scheme of things...knowing my husband acted excactly as I expected him to...doesn't really matter.