Been feeling a little bit sad since yesterday. While we're talking my father told me he would hit me again as he did when I was a child if the same circumstances happened because I deserved it, I needed to be disciplined and I was very stubborn.
Now I find it hard to look at me like a normal person and somehow I feel like I am intrinsically mean, that I was bad and maybe even worse than the other kids. I had come to terms on the concept of who I was and how I am nothing less than other people. But after that I can't shake the inferiority thoughts. And feel flawed and unloved. Just unbarried some little child feelings.
I use to use imagination to put my self on a happy place whenever I felt like this as a kid. It proved itself to be uneffective and capable of bringing some confusion with other people, totally unfit.
Singing can make me feel very good. I sang a little in the afternoon when I was home alone, it helped a little. But I guess I am mad with my father. He won't ever assume he was mistaken, about whatever, so I am not waiting for anything... He doesn't even understand the effect of his words.
Whatever I will be better. Almost never had any of my parents trying to make feel better when I was sad. And I have my big teddy bear for moments like this.
I wanted to hear some complements, may that would have helped to get some equilibrium to the balance.