When I first started working with T I didn't trust her at all, kept waiting for her to do a runner on me, tell me it was too much, too hard, that she had changed her mind. Early on my mind manipulated all of her words so I often heard negatives, criticisms, desires to leave me, send me away etc where there probably weren't any. I couldn't imagine her out of session any other way than her dismissing me, ignoring me and forgetting me and truth be told I wanted her close but was so absolutely terrified of it that I didn't know what I wanted.

By her being and doing everything that I mentioned in a previous post, and by me taking some risks and throwing caution to the wind every now and again, I no longer feel this way all of the time. I often now think that she is actually there for me and think she cares. I know that if I email I will get a reply and if I don't then it is a genuine reason. My anxiety around this has significantly reduced. I am able to express myself and my needs better, be that still in writing largely and I am now not quite as terrified of letting her close. I do not manipulate her words in my mind as much, though it still happens more frequently than I would like, and I think she will stick around more often than I think she won't. She had just been there, same as ever, no matter what, and that is what is making the most difference. That is not bogus, it is consistent in the way that it should have been years ago.

How has this changed my other relationships? As yet, not by much (but there are only about 4 of them anyway) but I can see changes within myself and this may change my other relationships as time goes on.