Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauliza
There's certainly room for change, it just involves a lot of insight and effort. Attachment styles are ingrained in us from childhood and become part of who we are and how we relate on an unconscious level. So to change them in an absolute sense is probably unlikely and any therapist who claims they can do this is very irresponsible if not an outright liar.
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I agree with this, but it took me a long time to figure this out. I developed a secure attachment with one therapist after working together a few years, but to my surprise, restarted the whole anxious/preoccupied and fearful attached relationship again with another therapist. I started over from the very beginning! With the second therapist, I experienced the very same emotions and relational dynamics from infant to teenager.
How you relate to yourself, others, and the world is not as malleable as some schools of thought or therapists would like you to believe. More likely, how much you can change has some correlation with the degree of unmet childhood needs or trauma. I do know some who had a really hard life, but despite a high level of adversity, seem to get on ok. I also think the first 2 years really influences overall outcomes from therapy, or life in general.
One of the benefits of psychodynamic therapy for relationships/attachment, however, is in recognize patterns and learning about yourself. And being in touch with your emotions allows you to be less reactive about behaviors, make other choices, and experience more intimacy in relationships.
Another effect of this type of therapy is in learning about your needs; getting in touch with unmet childhood needs in tandem with the related emotional processing can lead to healthier attraction to healthier people. This is in opposition to being drawn to those who resemble childhood attachment figures as many unknowingly seek to repeat the past through present day relationships. That in itself leads to more secure attachment in relationships. I was always drawn to unavailable men, which fed my dysfunctional attachment patterns. Now I can be in a relationship with someone who is more in touch with himself, and my anxiousness, fear, and preoccupation doesn't manifest like it did with someone who is unavailable.
Like my therapist says, the more and more you talk about feelings and learn about yourself, the less power the past has over you.
So Here Today, I don't think it's bogus, and healing can happen, but I also don't think it can be "cured" in the way that some of the authors of publications or websites lead you to believe.