So shall I go with a preamble? Some verbal foreplay? Or cut to the meat of it?

Not sure why I am here but lately I feel incredibly trapped in a rut if you will, a sadness that is pervasive...a sort of melancholy detatchment from my life.

Life is hard for me, made bad choices and even more bad choices.
Still occasionally make spectacularly horrid choices.
Sometimes I learn but lately it hasn't been about learning from falling, but learning from falling so many times that I am no longer afraid of a fall...but my life now requires a big change and the potential for a spectacular fall is possible.

I won't lie because its pointless to. I am afraid. The worst feats occur on this tightrope walk and I am using an elephant as a balance beam.

I am not sure the point of this ramble is but if any of you good natured folks have any input on whays wrong with me well....your input would be most welcome ☺