The abuse needs to stop - and you are in the position to change it. Previous posts of yours have suggested to me you are a young adult and therefore have the ability to ultimately move out. There are many agencies that can help you do so and get on your feet.

But I also read into your posts that you have some self-esteem and self-worth issues - likely caused by the bullying you are getting at home (another reason to leave). So, what can you do about that if you can't get some counseling? Find some workbooks directed at improving self-esteem; preferably ones based on CBT (Cognative behavior Therapy). Look for ones with worksheets. Actually do the work.

I am very much worried about your opinion of your self image. Again, in previous posts you have suggested you are very overweight when in fact you are severely under it. I am deeply concerned you have an eating disorder. This too is a form of mental illness. PLEASE for your emotional and physical health see your family doctor about all these issues. You do not need parental approval for this. Get your school/colege counselor to drive you or make arrangements for this to happen. In most cases community crisis units can help you with this too.

So, 1) look after your pysical health - immediately
2) get the ball rolling and obtain a referral to a mental health professional
3) (are you a young adult?) get out of the house
4) (if you are school aged) go to your school counselor - right now, today - and again explain your need for help and that you face retribution at home for doing so

I'm sure others can add to this. Above all, I wish you luck