I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I had a 6-week hospital stay when I felt people were going to kill me and I wasn't physically taking care of myself. I was very afraid to take meds, and one reason was the weight gain. But I've complied with the meds and believe it or not I've been ablt to even lose 47 lbs. while on them. So maybe you can find a combo that works for you. I hope you are well soon, and as the above poster said, being in the hospital sucks but if you have plans to kill yourself that's probably where you need to be.