You sound like an amazing person and deserve nothing but greatness in your life!

I know how it feels to perceive life as nothing but a suffering, yet dead end road and it's a difficult place to live in and especially difficult to get out of. But that shouldn't mean that hope doesn't exist in this lifetime because as long as we believe in better days ahead, we're bound to cross paths with a new light.

Heaven exists in this life time my brother! You'll get there I promise.