i am probably older than you and female but i will offer input since you didn't write specific details about what is going on so i'll ramble a little and offer my perspective: very recently i did something while manic that had some very severe and stressful ramifications including a lawsuit being filed against me and some others who were victims to my manic actions. i knew the lawsuit was filed as i read it when it was served on another victim of mine and i can only explain the stress and anxiety that took over my life waiting to be actually served with a copy of the lawsuit and not knowing what final outcome would be, which would be a financial judgment against me. found a lawyer friend to handle all of these but for 3 months i had to double my sleep meds, take addl. anxiety meds. and would either push hubby away after beating myself up and punishing myself emotionally, but then needing him to support me and needing continuos reassurance that he wouldn't leave me (married for 30 yrs.) but feeling he didn't deserve me....i'm 70 and just tired of fighting my mental illness as well as some physical ailments but you might be anxious over making a decision and the not-knowing was a killer to me emotionally....once i got served with papers and after 3 mos. the case was settled minimally and the other 2 victims were dismissed from the lawsuit, i was then in a position to begin my healing...but it felt like p.t.s.d. when resolution came and it took several days to regain my stability and feeling of shelf-worth. whatever it is that you are dealing with, i am sure in due time you will find the answers or resolution....and then you can say you learned your lesson thru the adversity and be blessed...at least that is where i am at this point in the aftermath of doing so much destruction to myself and others.