My last job triggered my BP constantly. I think it was a big part of why I got symptomatic again after such a long period of remission. My first year there was ok with the students, but I was CONSTANTLY shat upon by a couple of my coworkers. They talked about me behind my back And complained about me to administration. They were so negative all the time. After it was clear that I wasn't going anywhere and they couldn't drive me out, they flipped sides and became my allies. Except the one would just then come into my room to talk **** about everyone else to me.

After a couple of years it wasn't my coworkers that stressed me out, it was the students. Because of their emotional problems they would curse me out, call me fat, call me ugly, call me stupid. They would complain that the lessons were stupid and refuse to participate. They would break stuff in the classroom. And the level of violence was serious. I was never attacked but other teachers were, and the violence I witnessed between students was very triggering. One time a student attacked another student and slammed his face on the corner of my desk, taking a big chuncm out of his face and covering my classroom in blood. It was disturbing. By the end, even though I was stable, I just couldn't face it anymore. Every day I had to give myself a Pep talk to get out of bed and face the day. Every day I would get to work and attempt to do a lesson and just say **** it halfway through and let the kids do whatever. It wasn't fair to them. I just didn't have it in me anymore.

Thankfully I found a job as a special ed teacher in a public school district and it's going much better. still no episodes, even though it's only been a month. The job is still stressful because teaching is just stressful but it's not nearly as bad as it was. I don't have to convince myself to go to work every day (well, a little bit because I'm not a morning person and I hate getting up early lol) and I'm not just waiting for the day to be over. And I can actually teach! I have some behavior issues in my second block class but just disruption and immaturity, not violence and disrespect. I can still get **** done. My biggest problem right now is the paperwork! It's a lot to deal with. There's a lot more regulation in the public school because of state standards and such. But I'm much, much happier.

For now I'm stable, if I destabilize again I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm just hoping the meds keep working.