it wont come back and I think I just realized that. I am not the person I was five years ago. My **** is all over the place. even when I try I can't seem to keep everything going in the same direction. right now I am feeling like I just woke up to find that I am not that person any more and will never be. she was someone i made up to have the life i wanted but i don't have that life. my son my job my house all of it is gone. not what i wanted. not filled with love and safety. i wanted a family that was caring and loved each other in a safe warm home with some financial security. I don't have that. none of it. so i have to start over again or not Never connecting for any length of time. My life isn't what I had or what I wanted it to be. And I am only realizing it now. It's like waking up and it sucks.