For as long as I have known you here at PC you have come across as someone who has a deep desire to be a part of something that creates a positive "change".

It's interesting to hear that you have made it a point to be active with others who also have deep passions to do something to create a positive. What you have learned from what you have described here is that if you are an activist that poses any kind of threat to whatever has been established, it can become disillusioning.

What I also hear in your post is that you have learned a lot too. You have learned more about people, people in different countries. We certainly live in a complex world don't we?

It sounds like you have gotten very emotionally involved with all the unrest taking place in our world and you are very sensitive to what is going on and the instablity is "scarey", and the more one exposes themself to the instability, the more it can cause "stress". When a person begins to entertain assuming the worst, that means it's time to step back and take a time out and think about ways you can reduce the amount of stress you are inviting into your mind and taking on that is overwhelming you. Perhaps you are just not one that can handle long term activist activities. It's OK if you come to that conclusion or you decide where to set more boundaries with it so it doesn't overwhelm you.

Time to step back and re-evaluate until you can find a way to move forward at a pace with something that is not as stressful and as demanding on you.