So I've been absent lately on the forum. I felt ashamed from my mini breakdown and downfall. I've spent days just staring at my ceiling and in bed. Haven't been suicidal, but hopeless and frustrated. Met with my pdoc today and told her about how I was doing recently (except benzo incident) and she decided to put me on pristiq. Now she is taking me off of cymbalta and upping me on pristiq and this is all going to be a month long project. She had to write down the instructions because it was all confusing, take half one day take pristiq other then two cymbalta and now I'm confused again lol.

She did tell me an interesting point, that I will get depressed during this phase. She wrote me a note for work that I may miss a day or two due to depression for the next four weeks. I don't want to feel worse than I did. She also told me if I feel suicidal or any thoughts go to er immediately.

I am hoping pristiq is a godsend cause I want to enjoy life. I told her I don't feel suicidal, but I don't feel as if I'm living. Sorta like a prisoner.