We're not perfect leyla, no one is. I myself often find myself being hard on myself over many things. We need to give ourselves a break, we need it now more than ever. Self compassion is a vital element to heal us. Start small, 5 mins a day meditating. Be gentle with yourself during meditation, if you get distracted during, gently come back to your breath. Feel gratitude with every breath ( coz you're alive). if you miss it one day, thats okay.Remember that you're a child of this universe, no less than the trees and stars.
There's this book "Fear" by thich nhat hanh. Its given me a lot of peace and strength by generating the energy of mindfulness. Maybe it can help you too. Give it a shot.

live, One breath at a time