thegagagirl,
you need friends who understand autism or are autistic themselves,you need support from people who can show you the good in yourself as currently you only have your own thoughts to go on.
i know at the moment you cant see any good in yourself but you will get to a point one day where you will see your autism as a benign part of yourself and not something you suffer from,what autistics suffer from is neglect and misunderstanding and lack of accomodation from society.

i personally see autism as a good thing and im from the severe half of the spectrum,the struggles come from lack of understanding,lack of support... autism has good aspects,like for so many of us we cant lie or we struggle to lie and we have a innocent view of the world though this may have become distorted and cynical due to the suffering caused from society.we also arent led by emotion,we are built on literal fact.and when some of us are non verbal,its actually a good thing in some ways as we dont get the overload caused by speech,when i became verbal it destroyed me,i am so worn out by speaking.

i think one day when you come to terms with yourself,you coud be a buddy/befriender to a youngster with autism,have you thought about that?
itd be like having a sibling with autism in a way.