So awhile ago before the official diagnosis of atypical bipolar disorder... my psychologist thought I wasn't depressed in a bipolar sense because I hadn't faced issues of catastrophic importance... i.e. dealing with multi-thousands of dollars in loss. Yet... I wanted to end my life because of a $1000 sword commission failing. This doesnt seem like a normal response to that issue. Now I want to stop living for no definite reason ... other than the sense that I will never succeed at anything. Last week I was on top of the world.