Well, darn. I'm an INTJ, too. . Most uncommon type for women, I think.

Why do I want to be understood? A very good question. How do you feel about that? Do you want to be understood or is it irrelevant to you?

Some of it may be that I felt excluded, possibly some because my temperament was so different from the other women in my family of origin, and I loved them and wanted to "belong". Even though belonging isn't high on the priorities for an INTJ it was/is still there.

Another is probably a need for "mirroring", an early need in the development of a (healthy) sense of self that I'm still struggling with. Why still struggling? I'll think about that one some, too. Not really sure.

It's interesting, I think, that despite the same unusual Myers-Briggs type that you and I developed such different PD characteristics. Any thoughts about that?