I can't remember a day when I haven't had to force myself to function through my day. When I worked, I had to force myself out the door, to plan lessons, to attend meetings, and to meet with parents. Anxiety and a lack of confidence gripped me every single hour of everyday. At home I have to force myself out of bed, into the shower, and out to groups and appointments. I have to force myself to start household chores, to cook meals with multiple steps, and to take my dog for his daily walks. Even when not cycling, daily life is still a challenge. I wish, wish, wish I could face a day with confidence and moving with greater ease through my daily responsibilities, not hounded with anxiety, self doubts and fear of failing even at the little things.

I've been experiencing some good stability for several months and I feel I am making good progress. I even joined a fraternal organization. I was excited to do this, but what a stretch it is! It has totally taken me out of my comfort zone socially. Fortunately my husband joined, too, and the woman who sponsored my membership is a member of my DBT group and also has bipolar disorder. I feel so different from the other women. They work, have full lives, and love to attend the social functions in the organization. They have hobbies, they travel, play bunko, and actively promote the organization and its fundraisers. They are already encouraging/pressuring me to take an active role when I've only been a member for "five minutes" lol. I'm going to stick it out, though, and try to find a manageable place for myself. Just wish I was different.