It's hard to explain what I am trying to say:

"That said, even with the initial charm, securely attached women are more likely to catch on more quickly to what makes the narcissist tick. They distinguish between strength and braggadocio, stability and control, because they trust their own judgment, are comfortable with close connections, and know what a healthy relationship looks like. This just isn’t true of the insecurely attached daughter whose own emotional needs weren’t met in childhood and who doesn’t have that inner base that helps her see the difference between a solid guy with good intentions and a man who’s only in it for his own needs."

Regarding this^^

I was not unloved. I am loved by a controlling narcissistic mother who taught me to view the world her way. The thing is, she is not wrong! And, of course, her love is conditional if I please her.

I am hyper vigilant an figuring people out, but never see them as all good or all bad. They are all good and bad. This sometimes leads me to problems because I give way too much credit to people who don't deserve it. And I probably don't trust the people who deserve to be trusted.