Hello Amethyst_Stargazer: Hey... I hope you're safe from the hurricane! Thanks for sharing your story. I don't know a lot about abusive relationships. But I have the sense that what you have described is not at all unusual... sadly. I don't know if you see a therapist. If not, you might want to consider it. You have much to heal from. I send hugs your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within.