Hello, ImmerAllein,

I feel much as you do, that rather than "I've had a bad few months," I'm at "I've had a bad few decades." I can almost date it to a certain even of domestic violence in my home when I was 16. An alcoholic/narcissistic family of origin currently needling away at turning my children against me; a sociopath now-X husband who nearly upended my mental stability with his gaslighting; who continues to spread untrue blatantly rumors about me behind my back while making a display of all the good things he's doing for me.

Wow, doesn't sound bad in print, does it? I'm skipping all the details and the house that even my daughter is beginning to say is possessed, the things constantly falling apart around me, the ongoing upheaval with my children as a result of my family's interference, looking forward to spending holidays alone, etc.

Like you, I feel I've done everything right. I have worked hard, lived responsibly and uprightly. I have had virtually no vice. I have helped others. And still these things continue, and the one man I really fell in love with after my divorce chose someone who has thumbed her nose at God in every possible way for 20 years--yes, I struggle with the thought that she has someone who has her back and I don't, and it has left me asking myself at times, why do I continue to do right, then?

As a result of these things, I've done a lot of reading. I'm betting you have, too.

Hardships are not a payment for our sins (although sometimes they're a direct consequence--our actions sometimes have bad effects, simply put). If you haven't heard of it, look into the concept of 'victim souls.'

Whether you (or I) are a victim soul or not, I find the concept helpful in understanding and accepting my life. I find the concept of 'offering it up' as a prayer united to Jesus' suffering, as bearing some of Jesus's suffering, to be helpful in dealing with these things that I now understand will never go away.

I remind myself frequently that there are people living with chronic illness, chronic pain, chronic disabilities. The emotional pain of family issues is my chronic pain. I remind myself I am not unique in having long-term suffering, and most of these people haven't done anything terrible, either. Many of them are very good people.

I have been encouraged at times that because of how I've chosen to respond, others have told me they've been better able to deal with their problems--it made me realize that God has other reasons for letting these things happen to us.