Really, it just seems like lately things get worse and worse. I've been dealing with so much, and have been so good, I hadn't si'd in over a month, even dealing with almost being kicked out of school for money reasons, and my brother trying to commit suicide, and struggling with massive money issues, and a mother that is clueless. And I was so happy that I got through all of this without si. And then my best friend dissapeared on me. He doesn't answer or return my calls, when I do get ahold of him, he either is too busy to talk to me, or he says he'll do something and won't show up, and he doesn't even have the excuse that I've been dumping too much on him, cause I've been trying to hard not to depend on him. He wasn't even there with me at all throughout the dealing with my brother. And I found out that he's been lying to me. After he blew me off for the fourth time last week, I gave in and cut again. And I'm so mad at myself for letting him get to me that much. I mean, I could handle my brother trying to kill himself, but I can't handle a friend being a flake.

Since I cut I've just been getting worse and worse. I've been depressed, and anxious. And all of my normal support people seem to have fallen off the face of the earth. I haven't even talked to one of my other best friends in over a week, cause she's been so busy with her own problems. I want to go in for therapy, but I'm nervous about it. I've had awful times with therapy in the past, and can't make myself go in again. I know I just need to make it through this week (last week of classes, major stress) and I'll have time to calm down.