I have been opening up to my T about my Mum recently, as well as a few other things. I have been through a whole range of thoughts and feelings over the past year but after our last session I have been feeling lighter, as if I have turned a corner. I have never really given that saying much thought before but it really feels like that, like it is still there but it isn't right behind me now. The hard and difficult thoughts that is. This is so hard to describe but I know how it feels, and that is huge for me.

Last session we looked at a picture I had drawn of my Mum as a faceless person wearing a helmet, with angel wings and a sword, surrounded by fire; representing the wariness I had around a woman I didn't know, didn't recognise, who had her own struggles and who only ever conveyed her love for God, who I believe had wanted to be with him for a while.

As I was describing all of this and looking at the picture I remember thinking 'but how on earth is talking to you about it going to help, it doesn't change what it was, it doesn't make it any different'. Well, today it does feel different. It feels as if I have mostly let go of that. I am sure that there will be times where I feel like I am right back there but for the first time in an awfully long time I can see brightness. As we were walking out at the end, T said some stuff and I think it was about this very thing. That the past will always be there, but it doesn't have to drag me down, it doesn't have to be there all of the time.

I have a lot of other things to work through and if each one can be worked through then I have a lot of hope for the future. I could actually become someone. That's a crazy idea.