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sunrise said:
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It's official I am a mental patient
</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Why do you say that? Well, I guess maybe anyone going to therapy is a mental patient? Hmmm, I never thought of myself as a mental patient. I prefer the word "client."
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I struggle with this sunny because people in my life have always told me how 'crazy' I am...that label has been applied to me by others already. T always points out that I am not crazy and that I just have a lot of pain in my life and unmet needs. This time though I feel the label so perhaps I am putting that on him?
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sunrise said:
You seem to be sharing a lot of personal information with your T's assistant, such as the comments about tough love and your T giving up on you and being disgusted. Do you find it helpful to share that sort of thing with the office help? I would be worried it would compromise that very special therapist-client relationship.
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You've picked up on my main issue. I personalize all relationships and I have done that here too. Both my T and his assistant are funny guys, we all have similar personalities (the fun stuff not my issues) and I can see now that I am pushing them constantly to be my friend...it's pretty sad actually...both of them have always been professional with me but they also joke with me and I should be glad that they can do both and maintain boundaries...right?
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sunrise said:
Is there a way you can bypass the assistant and go directly to your T's voicemail so you don't have to deal with him?
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No there isn't...not one that he endorsed for me anyway. He once called my cell phone from his cell phone and I have his cell number. I had left a bag of my son's stuff at his office and he was just getting back from vacation and he called to ask me if it was mine. So, I have T's cell number but I refuse to use it because when he left that message he told me to call him back on his office line and gave that number. He probably just made a mistake.
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I think I've said before on here T doesn't label me
</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I really support viewing clients from a position of health rather than pathology and not labeling them. Good for him on standing firm on this. What does it help to have a label? I think it is enough to recognize one has certain symptoms and then through therapy or meds, one can go about trying to deal with them
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I know. My husband even said that if T does apply the 'label' he knows that will send me over the edge. So I need to quit asking him about this or trying to get him to do it...and examine why I am trying to get him to do this.
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sunrise said:
almedafan, I think it would really help if you had a frank discussion with your T about if it is OK to call him between sessions, and if you do, whether he will call you back. Then you will know the score and won't be disappointed if he doesn't return your call simply because it is not his policy to have contact with clients between sessions.?
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I haven't asked this directly no. He has called me back in the past and this time he isn't. It would've been easier if I had known up front what his policy is on this. I never asked and when he called me back initially, I just assumed I could call. I think he has been clear lately though. I'm just not listening. But I'll definitely clear it up on Tuesday.
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I feel that T is disgusted with me and giving up on me
</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think that's something you should discuss with him. Therapists should not find their clients disgusting. They are trained in that. I wonder if he doesn't really feel that way but you are just worried he does due to a recent lack of connection? I do remember one session I had with my T where we totally were not communicating. Whatever I said, he seemed to get upset by, and I did not understand why at all. At times, he seemed appalled. I told him that the next time, and he immediately owned up to the fact that he had indeed been appalled, and told me why. And we talked through that and worked it out. It helped our relationship. It would not have helped me to not mention it to him and just let it fester inside.
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sunrise said:
I have been disturbed by 2 things you have said recently about your T: 1) that he projects his negative feelings towards his sister onto you. This is major counter-transference that seems out of control, that it sounds like he does not recognize, and that is not therapeutic!
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When I pointed this out to him he did smile a little and nod...maybe he was trying to point out to me that because the men in my life recently have hurt me that I am projected that on him? Who knows, I'll clear it up on Tuesday.
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sunrise said:
2) that he minimizes the physical violence exhibited by your husband toward your son. This is very serious stuff and his response makes it sound like he condones this.
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He did say that it is a situation to monitor but that I shouldn't assume he is evil right away. I do that a lot with people. Maybe this is why he told me about his sister? It was relevant to our discussion and my issues. He has said in the past that he is against violence against children. He knows what I've been through and that night he did acknowledge that. He said 'I can see how you would feel this way given what you've been through'...but we'll talk about it again.
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sunrise said:
Maybe I am misunderstanding those 2 things. If so, my apologies. I realize we're all different, but I would be unable to move forward in therapy until I got those two things sorted out.
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I need to remember that how I tell the story has a lot to do with what you all end up thinking about him. I'm not saying he's perfect, because he has even said he is not.
I tell the story with my hurt emotions and feelings and I think that comes across on here and gives the impression that he is a bad evil person. Not fair to him really because no one is hearing the whole version just my distorted view of it.
I will address these feelings though Sunny because they are so strong, it's going to come out anyway whether I want it to or not...I can feel it.