I have felt the exact same way Waterbear. For the first few years of my therapy I couldn't even talk about my mam because I felt as though I was betraying her. Her power over me was still so strong that I felt like I needed to protect her very core. With this t I have begun the process of unraveling our dynamics together. My t has suggested my mother has a personality disorder. It makes perfect sense now after all of these years but when t said it I wanted to deny it and for to apologise for saying that but she kept binging me back to what I had told her about my mother. She really listened to what I wasn't telling her and heard everything. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders to not be responsible for my mothers happiness anymore. I really hope you can coming with your own healing Waterbear it's hard to see things in our mothers that we don't want to see or hear. I wondered how talking would help too but it's not just the talking it's the validation and the empathy too, take care!