Sometimes I get so worn out by "functioning" that i just want to let myself sink into depression and even lose touch with reality just to rest. Sometimes, for me, depression starts out as a sweet temptation to do just that. To just let it all go and "lose it". I've been "functioning" by being fairly independent with a full time job and paying the bills, but it's so exhausting to keep up with that for long, and it starts to seem like I've been lying to myself and everyone else about my ability to actually keep up with the world like I'm fine. My house is such a mess that I don't know where to begin, and I'm still overwhelmed with all of my debts that I've been paying off. I've also been suppressing the true "me" that seems to only come out when I give up the facade and let myself go. But I'm trying to fight off that temptation because I remember that the bliss from falling down the rabbit hole ends when I hit rock bottom, and then it's only suffering until I manage to climb back out again.