Hi, I'm a 41 year old female who is already diagnosed with schizophrenia and OCD but wonders if she fits the criteria for BPD. I hear that substance abuse often accompanies this condition, I am a binge drinker. I self harm although do not put my life at risk. Last year I finished with my ex at the beginning of a psychotic episode which started after I came off Seroquel which I had been receiving for OCD. This was my one and only psychotic episode which has given me a new diagnosis of schizophrenia. I think taking a high dose of Seroquel for five years has changed my brain chemistry so I am now dependent on antipsychotics although I did jump from 200mg to 0mg.

When I came off the Seroquel I became very emotional, alternately laughing and crying, often laughing at nothing. I didn't get angry often, but if I did I would get really angry, I was not violent but became very shouty. I finished with my ex very impulsively. My libido went through the roof (I also hadn't had sex for about 9 years). I was also taking imipramine, I know that imipramine can make people more interested in sex. It can also exacerbate psychosis. However when I was taken off the imipramine the psychosis became worse. I couldn't sleep at all but after coming off Seroquel I had found it hard.

I was never this emotional before being on Seroquel.

I did at the time develop a bit of an obsession with a man who I had liked for years. The psychosis took over and I began to believe we were soulmates. He was married but I believed he was separated from her even though his Facebook account said they were still married. It took me a while after being hospitalised and on new medication to get over it, I just wasn't as emotional. I think I got over it when, guess what, I developed a new obsession with a guy online who was a bit more like me. We met up and were intimate but he rejected me. I haven't dealt with it well at all. I have seen myself become manipulative and attention seeking, posting depressing things about myself online in the hope he would talk to me. He has cottoned on to this now and he finds me annoying. I have started drinking more and the other night sent him 96 e mails which accused him of flirting with other women, being happy if I was dead and that I wanted to kill myself over him, at times this is true. He denies flirting with anybody and finds me a nuisance.

Is this BPD or just my way of dealing with a relationship where I want him to care but he doesn't and I'm just desperate? I feel like because it's online I don't know what he's thinking or feeling most of the time but I feel increasingly manipulative and it makes me hate myself even more.