I am so sorry for what you are feeling and going through right now. I have been in your position of paying more than I have out of pocket out of desperation. I can see that you are between a rock and a hard place right now.

In my experience, it does get better. Then it gets worse again, then better....rinse, repeat, recycle. Some people find the right meds early in treatment and never have an episode again. There is hope so keep fighting. (((Hugs)))