In response to those who are judging and blaming the creator of this thread for finding themselves where they are at this moment in time ... NONE OF US are the OP! ... Therefore, we cannot say where they ought to be or what they ought to be doing at this stage of their life ... When a family is toxic and abusive, and predating upon one member of the family, it changes things ... Beyond learned helplessness is learned hopelessness ... We may be functioning okay at one level, say college, for a while as everything else around us is falling apart, but eventually it will all come tumbling down under the weight of a load that nobody can continue to carry alone ... It's very difficult to see a way out when you're constantly being told you aren't of value, will fall flat on your face and that nobody but your abusers will ever be there for you or help you out ... When that message has been beaten into you and absorbed by you since you were a small child, then that is what you believe ... You also believe the only way out is what the OP is contemplating ... I know the truth about what I'm saying because it took me 33.5 years to escape mine (via an attempt on my own life that thankfully failed), and I'm still working on getting myself "whole" as I approach the 23rd Anniversary of my "healing" process this coming Tuesday ... It is unkind, harsh and rude to attempt to blame and judge this person whose facing a life and death crisis, so perhaps it would behoove those who make further contributions to this thread to remember the old adage about if we can't say anything helpful, then perhaps we shouldn't be saying anything at all ... God forbid any of us contribute that last straw to the unbearable weight of the bale this person is already carrying!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!