I left education ten years ago. The main reason I went to college (for the benefit of different nationalities, I took a couple of qualifications after the end of compulsory education but didn't go to university for a degree) was to avoid the whole issue of getting a job, which filled me with intense anxiety. I've suffered from depression since about the age of 11 and when I was 24 I was finally diagnosed with Asperger's, which is a diagnosis that has never entirely sat right with me but might well partially explain my aversion to being around other people. After I left education I sank- I spent eight years more or less in my own protective bubble, spending most of my time in my bedroom taking existence a day at a time. I did therapy and stuff, but nothing helped. I eventually started doing volunteer work, which I thought would give me practical experience in my field, get me doing something similar to work and present me with opportunities. Two years ago I got my first job at one of those places- what seemed like a good thing quickly turned sour when I realised I'd been stitched up. To cut a long and traumatic story short, the manager (the founder) turned out to be a self-serving, dramatic, deluded [insert epithet here] of a woman and after I got dumped with a workload far exceeding my paid hours working under a woman who infuriated me on a regular basis I wanted to leave again, but aside from some stubbornness the biggest reason I stayed was because I knew nobody else would want me. I ended up being good at that job- when (after a whole lot of explosive drama I won't get into) I finally snapped and handed in my notice, she had the gall to act surprised and upset that I was leaving and wanted me to stay. I didn't.

So now I'm unemployed again and sinking back into depression. I can't get to sleep at night because the second I close my eyes I feel worthless and pathetic. I'm painfully aware that I'm still very under qualified in my field and the two years of hell I went through actually mean very little. I've wasted ten years of my life and I know I'm going to waste more. The older I've got the less tolerant I've got of other people and the trauma of my job has practically put me off the field of work I've been in so now I feel completely lost.