First of all I am so sorry you have had problems with relationships, but you have great insight. The things you are saying remind me so much of me. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizoaffective Affective Disorder. I have always had problems with relationships, not making them, but maintaining them. My parents gave me to the state when I was 15, because of Schizoaffective Disorder. I became very untrusting of people and very much wanted friends and a relationship, but would sabotage every relationship I had. I imagined the people talking about me, analyzing them for any type of dissaproval or criticism. I was so scared of people ditching me I would do that to them first. After running them off I would cry and hate myself often resulting in mutilating my body. I wanted friends but I didn't know how to be in that type of relationship, often either too clingy or just not wanting to be around them at all. I am definitely not saying you have BPD, I am not a Psychologist. I have done this though and it has been attributed to my BPD diagnosis. If you can get access to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, this has helped me so much. I have been married for 5 years now, I no longer make assumptions or think I know what my husband is thinking or will do. I keep it very simple, I try to live one day at a time, control my thoughts and emotions. I try to understand people and stay positive. With every problem that arises in our relationship I stay calm and positive. I keep in mind that people are not perfect and I am far from perfect. I wish you much love and peace.