I feel I need to make peace with this reality..

I've recently realised I'm paralyzed by the fear of people not liking me.. Part of me feels ashamed to admit this because I've always prided myself on my 'toughness', on not caring what anyone else thought of me..

But now I have to admit I do.. It's always been lurking underneath.. I actually think I didn't know how to care before! But since starting therapy and having someone actually care about how I feel.. The emotions are finally coming to the surface.

I actually had a dream about this last night.. My ex told a group of girls to take me out with them, and I screamed at him that I didn't want to go. He got angry and shamed me in front of everyone, saying I'd 'rather go sit at home than go out with a bunch of nice people'.. He did this in real life, too, and I just remember being SOOO angry with him that he wouldn't listen to why I was afraid, what it was all about..

Now I'm admitting that it does hurt me when someone doesn't like me.. I do get that sense of 'have I done something wrong, why doesn't this person like me?' - I feel I need to admit how I feel so I won't lose myself.. Yes, it does hurt, but I'll get over it!

What I DON'T want to do is abandon myself and try to become someone other people would like.. Unless I'm hurting them, of course, then I need to change - but if it's just that we're interested in different things, then I don't want to change, just like no one else needs to only to please others.

I don't need to 'fit in' anymore - I can be me and give my own personal valuable contribution to the world!

Live and let live