I have regrets of not being more active in high school and college. I just did my classework and showed up. I was not in the band or any social club. In middle school I was a cheerleader for one year and after that I just gave up. Two years out of college I was talked into joining our alumni organization. A little later I was talked into taking a position on the board. I thought to myself here's my chance to do something. I will not say I regretted it per say. It was just a lot of work. I would be so exhausted after working full time and doing that too. But I felt like I did not want to let anyone down. I made a lot of friends through doing this work whereas with high school and college I had very few. Only one in college crazy part she has bipolar too. Back in college I had know clue I had bipolar. Once my symptoms started coming out I started getting behind in my board work. I was forgetting to do things and I was dressing real sexy. One of my friends which a lot were older pulled me to the side and told me she noticed it. Well I thought to myself she needed to mind her on business that I looked fine. Looking bad I really regret that it continued. I would have men from our meetings try to pick me up and I liked the attention. I never got involved with them. I was going through the having self-esteem soaring out of control. Growing up I had reckless sex and I was irritable all the time. As an adult in my 20's I did cheat on a few boyfriends. In my 30's I was in one relationship and I did not cheat. I did break up with a boyfriend for one whole summer and I got involved with someone else "way" younger than me. Then reality hit me and I cut that off and went back to my ex. I was trying to re-call something about my moods When I was growing up. I asked my mom and she just said I was mean with a smart mouth. She's not the most intuned person and is not supportive of my mental health. I do not know when my onset was a few times on this board I said 36. That's because that's when my symptoms started really coming out one by one then together and I was then diagnosed. I never had problems functioning on a job accept if I was not being treated the same as others or not being spoken to in a respectable way. Then they would see a different side of me. Now I could not do customer service jobs. I needed to be at a desk with a computer and some reports to complete. Two months ago I sat back and thought about my childhood I had abuse too. I regret not asking for help