Hello Pandoren: I'm sorry you are struggling. I have some experience with depression & anxiety. I'm an older person now & I lead a pretty-much completely solitary lifestyle. I avoid having anything to do with anyone, in real life. I'm fortunate though that, since I am an older person, I no longer need to have anything to do with anyone in real life. I'm well past the point where whether or not I'm wasting my life is of any consequence.

Anyway, I would simply like to send some hugs your way with the hope that you will be able to find a path through your present despair. My best wishes to you...