Mouse,

My children are not yet to their teen years, but the thought of them as teenagers scares me to death. Presently they are still willing to publicly acknowledge that I am related to them and are reasonably compliant. With my past, I am very vigilant in protecting them against any perceived threat and I know very soon I will have to give them more space to experience life and make their own mistakes and discoveries.

I know during their teen years I will some how be transformed from the safe, loving, 'finder of all things lost' person I currently am to them -->to the dumbest person on the planet who isn't remotely related to them. I know it is coming. Presently my 10 yr old still smiles and give me a small hug when I pick him up after school--but he is already starting to look over his shoulder at his peers.

I don't know how I am going to deal with this transition. I'm sure it is going to hurt a lot. Especially since at the moment my children are the only people I can truly and confidently say that I unconditionally love. They are the only ones who really have the ability to affect me deeply. I hope I can prepare myself for this stage in their life and still remain open and loving towards them.

I fear not only their abandonment but also my tendency to retreat when facing emotional pain. I'm afraid that I won't be there for them when they need my unconditional love most.

I guess we just have to have faith that this stage will pass and they will eventually warm back up to us. Unfortunately, for me my mother passed away before she could see me come full circle.