Email to T:

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Hi T,
I've tried to write this email 10x's in the last week or so. It just never seems to come very coherently. It always seems so discombobulated.

So, I know when I rescheduled from Monday 10AM to Wednesday 2PM. I mentioned my sleep being all messed up well aside from that not getting better I have more to tell you.

The first month and a half off meds I felt "normal", then for about three weeks I went numb. Now, for about three weeks things have been pretty erratic and intense emotionally. I seem to rotate(in a disorganized way) between anger, anxiety and numb. I find myself going from 0 to 100 in 0.2 seconds with either anxiety or anger over very minor things. Last week I pulled out my DBT stuff and have been trying to reincorporate that in an effort to gain some control over the situation...seems unsuccessful but it's only been a week so I'm going to give it more time. It's not even the emotional turbulence that really gets me. It's generally where my mind goes with higher intensities of emotion even though those thoughts, at this point of some form of self-harm not suicide-just to be clear, are NOT options. I'm safe just angry with the thoughts.

Add to all of that, this reflective state I get in when I'm numb. Typically the reflective state is on the timeframe of from when I got back from Texas through essentially the first year with you. This creates an unnecessary anxiety about ending up back in that place.(I don't think it'll happen but I guess anything is possible) We know that's not helpful given you-know-who is in that timeframe.

Also grandma is not doing real well and my uncle is still a Problem in the family.

Anyway, enough for now. Hope this was coherent.

Thanks,
DelusionsDaily
(PS-I'll bring the diary that goes through Monday. Yes, I forced myself to do a diary card again when I pulled out DBT.)
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What do you think?