I'm a firm believer in relationships being a team effort.


But on the contrary and in the very same breath, I'm also a very firm believer that you don't make your partner pay for your bullshyt.



That you deal with your BS solo, as its not their doing, fault, or cross to bear, etc etc. Insecurity is a major category under my BS list. Probably even the only one, as jealousy and whatever else falls under the same umbrella.


But like I say, this is strictly my opinion, a system I work by, and I do so because when I did make my problems theirs (insecurity) it backfired tremendously.


So let me clarify firstly, when I say BS I'm not talking about illness or things like that. Of course we need support and like I said, a team effort is expected. Sharing the nitty gritty is part of the ties that bind. Helping each other through rough times is how relationships should ideally work.


But (IMO) my self esteem and insecurity issues are MY responsibility to address, manage and or fix. My bf should not be bending over backwards, unfairly trying to accommodate my effed up feelings (and hurting his back in the process) just so I wont get butt hurt over normal every day stuff.


Do I make sense?


Not saying I'm right, but the logic is solid.


A weird example:

A former friend of mine wears shades whenever he's out in public with his wife. Why? She's ALWAYS convinced he's checking out other women and has caused a scene or two in the mall.


One guess why he's my former friend instead of current.


Ps. My relationship has gotten much stronger and healthier since I've decided to address these issues solo, and added bonus is that my bf is super proud of me, because we're not in that wash rinse and repeat cycle we were in for years.


Disclaimer: Reply posted from an excerpt from the "World according to Ophelia" it is not the law, nor a one size fits all.