Hello parabol001: From what you wrote, it sounds as though you & your gf are doing lots of things right. So congratulations on that! The only thing I would like to suggest here, though, is that trying to figure this all out by yourself may not be the most effective way to proceed. Delving into how you react, in the situations you describe, with the help of a skilled therapist might be a better way to proceed than to simply keep trying to figure this out by yourself.

But also keep in mind that "it takes two to tango", as the saying goes. You're in all probability not entirely at fault here either. Perhaps there are some ways in which your gf could be handling these situations with more consideration too. So don't just keep beating yourself up over this. For one thing, it doesn't help. Plus it's not likely all your fault.

This appears to be your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!