Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
To all honesty if after over 20 years, your spouse still doesn't meet your needs and you are still unhappy, I don't see how and why it would all of sudden change. I personally don't like living in fantasy and would divorce him so I can be happier with my life. Alone or with more compatible man
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I fantasize about a happier life alone. I move to the country. Get friendly with craftsy and nature kind of people. Become a free spirit.
I fantasize about being with a compatible man. He's not my h. He fits just fine with that country me. I feel comfortable and content, finally.
Then reality kicks in and i don't think such a life or such a man exists for me. I am stuck in this scenario.
Maybe it's all BPD. I can't feel right, but i am too insecure to end it. It's been back/forth for so long. I'm afraid i'd do that with anybody.
I wish i really knew if it was all an illness or disorder, so i could just accept that and do the DBT workbook.
This is never going to get better regardless.
I'm sorry i did not get free and happier. I know it is frustrating to hear me go on knowing i keep failing.