Welcome to the forum whollyhalfhearted and congrats to you for reaching out since it means you know that answers are within you! :-)

For the last couple of years I was spinning my wheels trying to understand thing but only made some real progress last Christmas when a relationship I was so enmeshed in abruptly ended...ultimately my ending it but my partner was steering that ship as I see it in retrospect.

A few sections on the forum that might be of interest you at this time are Relationships and Communication, there is also a relatively new section on Attachment. There are lots of articles on PsychCentral revolving around Attachment and Relationships. We also have a chatroom with lots of nice folks at any given time.

Among the most helpful information on the topic has come from Alan Robarge who has a channel on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5w...ALL7AE9OhOEAPw

Alan has several informative video talks about Attachment Trauma and how it can reek havoc on our lives if we don't address the issues.

Best of luck on your path to healing and understanding yourself.

Sincerely,
Lele