I know this is an older post but some of this I could relate to... maybe I missed how are things now? I was told it takes a portion of the time you were married to recover from a divorce. I do not know if this true or not.

I have been trying to get divorced for sometime. I spent a lot of money with a lawyer who ended up being a criminal (long story) and that experience sent me into a of massive disassociation period where I wasted a lot of time. I really did not know how to recover and hurt someone close to me in the process. Having PTSD really did not help me here as I felt threatened by my wife, the location I have been in and I was very paralyzed. Now I am back on track and i should be divorced soon.

I can relate to the feeling of being sucked into a black whole... during that period I really do not remember much... I understand being with a person who is negative and being treated better by ppl in shorter term relationships. And yet still "missing" that person... i really do not have any advice as I do not have a success story yet to share. But some of things on an emotional lvl I can relate to. I hope you are doing well & in a better space.