So why have you wanted this more than to LEARN HOW to become a mature responsible adult?

Did you think that responsibility just magically happens without being taught or without any work on your part?

Honestly many people in your position haven't LEARNED HOW to use their WISE MIND. It's a combination of learning HOW to be aware of the REALITY around you, not what you imagine it to be. With that comes being aware & using your logical mind (we all have one) & being aware & combining your emotional mind with your logical thinking. Wise mind is the intersection of your logical & your emotional thinking. Putting them together as if you have two circles side by side that intersect in a small area where they overlap. It's the decisions we make that give us a peaceful feeling that we know it's right, making both out logic & emotions satisfied. Better known as "common sense".

There may be something going on in your environment that is causing your emotional mind to be so active as it is where our fight or flight responses come from & when there is what we feel a threatening situation, it overrides our ability to make the logical mind active. Some work (therapy) needs to be done to help you with being mindful, thinking of only one thing at a time about whatnisngoing on in your life (FOCUS) so that your mind can start to function more normally. Many of these things kids in a stable family with parents who are more functional are taught as kids along with skills to handle emotions & regulate them & to learn how to handle distressing things that happen in our life but it seems these days that parents are either so dysfunctional that they don't have the skills themselves to teach their kids or they are somwrappedmup in their own problems they don't have time.

If we learn these skills as a child, we practice them naturally as we grow & the neural pathways that form in our brain are in place to function in a healthy way & we mature in ways so that we can handle what life throws us. If we dont learn these skills as a kid, we make shift the way we respond to things & don't usually develop neural pathways in our brain so that we can react in a mature way as we grow but we end up continuing to react as we did as a child because that is what our brain learned to do.

The good thing is that neural pathways can be reprogrammed as we know from stroke victims & people who have had traumatic brain injuries (TBI). It takes learning new skills & practicing them over & over again until they become as natural behavior as the other actions we learned as a child.

The KEY to successfully doing this is DESIRE & WILLINGNESS to put in the amount of effort, time, & practice that this takes & it also takes finding a good therapist who is capable of teaching you the skills you are lacking. It seems like your mom is trying tondo this at this point but the already advisarial relationship you have with her doesn't make for a good learning environment.n usually better coming from someone outside the family at this point in your life.

Hope some of this makes sense to you.

There is some reason for your immaturity emotionally & intellectual (lack of desire to learn). Some times this comes from a mental illness condition that has been over looked or misunderstood or misdiagnosed, sometimes it just comes from the environment you are living in & have learned from. However there are conditions that people can have that cause them to never be able to emotionally mature. I was married to a man like that for 33 years & it finally got to be too much for me to tolerate. Our T said that for some reason my H was never capable of emotionally maturing past a teenage level. I have since learned why after much research on my own & understand what I had been dealing with all those years but it's important to get a proper DX if that is the case because it's important to understand why & it's important for those close around you to know also so they can provide the necessary support without putting expectations on you that can't be reached. At this point in time it doesn't seem like its really known why you are struggling like this , whether it's just lack of being taught as you were growing up or whether you have a disability that causes you to be unable to learn these skills. Therapy & a good assessment by a pdoc might provide the insight needed

The fact that your problems follow you to everywhere you go indicates that it's NOT JUST the environment you are living in that is causing the problem but it could have been where you learned the dysfunctional skills you are now using which are following you everywhere you go..

EVERYONE DESERVES THE HELP THEY NEED to grow & mature or to find out the real reasons why it isn't happening.