curious minds wonder...
if i don't remember things, does that mean that its just gone?
or is it just locked away in a file deep in the back of my mind?
or is it a part holding memories?
or....

well, im just not understanding why my memory is so messed up...
i asked my T if maybe i had a stroke, or a few strokes... she said she didnt think that was the case but im not convinced...

i think my brain is broken... bad memory isnt supposed to be this bad...
i hate not being able to understand something...

is this even amnesia...? what if im just in a coma and its those weird coma dreams you get..?

what if im just brain dead or have brain damage from some traumatic brain injory... or a clot...

im trying to be ok with being broken... but it hurts deep... yet im having hard time even remaining present aware enough to understand whats happening around me, finding ways into trances,, bah... embarrassing when you realize everyone is staring at you, waiting on you, and you are just like, huh? whats going on here? not realizing how long has passed... and i guess it seems like a joke to people

sorry.. rambling.. i just cant understand how my memory works... (doesn't work)